I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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