I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MIDGETS
????
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
