I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
