eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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