I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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