she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
