It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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