He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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