The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
