You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
