I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
