Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
