turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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