Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
