So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
