If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
