I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
