its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
