Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
