Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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