dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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