you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
