I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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