Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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