Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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