Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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