Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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