Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
