I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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