Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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