im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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