i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
