We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
