please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
