I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
