I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
