Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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