We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
