Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
