is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
