i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
