Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
