I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
