I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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