Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
