I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My pussy is not your playground.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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