And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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