he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
