Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
