Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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