Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
