I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
