You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
