Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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