Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
