Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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