ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
God, you're like boner-b-gone
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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