when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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