I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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