All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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