I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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