Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
