youre lurking in front of me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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