Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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