Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize