there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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