well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
