Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
