WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
