Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
