We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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