youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
