he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
